Hope

Social media is kind of a weird phenomenon. It's become this place where you share everything: new job opportunities, pictures of your dinner, engagements, wedding photos, birth announcements, divorce announcements, vehement political stances, tragic news. We are now more connected than ever. We share day-to-day news with acquaintances that perhaps we haven't seen in years. There's something innate in us these days to share everything.

So...

Today my uncle died. Unexpectedly...young...leaving behind children and grandchildren, three brothers, and a number of people who have years of fond memories with him.

I got the call while surrounded by a group of students that we had taken to do a ropes course - just a fun Saturday to spend together and let my own two babies spend time with the "big kids". I was torn between the need to keep it together in front of others and needing to grieve appropriately.

Time has a way of distancing yourself from those you were once close to. And although I may not have shared a close relationship with my Uncle Buddy in recent years, my childhood was littered with his presence and his antics. Between these memories and knowing the emotions his own children, my cousins, were experiencing, there was a natural, heavy sorrow that overcame me.

As sadness welled within my soul, Silas and Jacob were playing a few yards away, laughing as they threw dirt and grass at each other and watching the students they admire "fly" through the air. Their innocence and naivety to the pain of the world was strikingly comforting. At one point, just when I thought I might need a moment to compose myself once more, Silas ran over to me and gave me one of his famous random bear hugs (hence the nickname "Chunky Bear"), kissed me right on the lips, and ran off to continue in his own happy mischief. Laughter through tears. ("My favorite emotion")

Inwardly, I still struggled to process the thought of someone being gone - just like that, out of nowhere, without any warning. But I also watched 14 teenagers laugh and find pride in themselves as they overcame their fears to complete the challenge set out before them. Some of them completed the course without much concern. Others had to literally fight back tears and crippling fear to reach the end. But they DID. A major metaphor for life was happening in front of all of our eyes and the timing could not have been any more surreal.

I share all this because it is insanely mind-blowing how God finds measures to comfort our souls when we need it most. Today, although my heart still aches for the loss that my family - particularly my father and cousins - has endured, I have been reminded of His love everywhere I turn: a group of teenagers (that I couldn't love more than if they were my own kids) willing to spend their weekend with us, a brilliantly beautiful fall day, snotty kisses from the most beautiful boys in the world, and the simple presence of my own husband.

In the midst of your darkness, there are reminders of His goodness and grace. The light they give off may not seem like enough to completely overtake your pain and your grief, but they are promises that this darkness will not last.

Life is full of uncertainty - almost like that of dangling 20 feet from the ground with crippling fear that the rope you're holding on to just might not be enough. We can either be paralyzed by our fears or push on to the end, victorious in the journey.

I believe in a greater hope that will overtake all the pain and sorrow I endure one day and make known the glory and brilliance of God the Father. One day, all my struggles and all my pain will make sense and it will have all been worth it. God has overcome. That hope is "a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever..." (Hebrews 6:19-20)

Brace yourself for pain. We are all sure to experience it in this life. But anchor yourself with Hope. Find strength in it and the blessings around you.

Today, I will choose to settle into His comfort and rejoice in His steadfast love. I hope, no matter the storm you face or head into, you will as well.

Dear America

Before I begin the following rant, let us preface it with the greatest Disney quote of ALL TIME (I said that in my Kanye voice). The wise words of the great and adorable Thumper:  

Dear America,

Hi. It's me. The awkward, nobody-special, cardigan and casserole loving mom down in central Mississippi. Love what you've done with the fast food industry, by the way. So many sauce choices, so little time! I digress.

Anyway, I generally try to go about my day and not get in your business, but I feel like somebody needs to say something here. Now, I'm no expert on...well, anything, really. But I feel pretty confident that I'm able to tell when someone is making a giant fool of himself, and well, America, that's kind of what's happening to you.

Don't get me wrong. You've been the frontrunner of winning, glitz and glamour, and hot dog eating contests for pretty much as long as you've existed. Your founding principles still hold true as the most desirable and envied ideals across the world. On paper, you've got it goin' on. But the television is portraying you as a bit of a buffoon, to be honest.

You're in the middle of this giant, polarizing election between a proven crook and a clueless tangerine. While the candidates may be less-than-desirable, it's the constituents who are REALLY souring things up. People are literally spitting on each other for not agreeing on whom the winning candidate should be. Fights are breaking out, hair is being pulled, less-than-nice names are being yelled vivaciously across crowds. You look like a bad day at a junior-high cafeteria.

Oh yeah, it's college football season, too. People are literally telling fans of the other team to go to hell. Let that sink in, if you're any bit religious. I cannot digest this without throwing up in my mouth a  little bit.

There's also this group right now screaming (as much as social media will allow) about the fact that we are fostering a rape culture when they're wearing teeny, tiny pieces of cloth to cover up no more than 1/15 of their nipples out in public. Now, I'm so very much an advocate of harsher laws again sexual harassment and rape and keeping women safe in the workplace. We have so far to go. But we can't get there half naked. Just wanted to bring that to your attention.

One of my FAVORITE topics right now is this Star-Spangled Banner protest going on with the NFL. (LOL at people getting paid billions of dollars to play football to act as though they're experiencing injustice, but whatev!) Now, me personally, I don't really find sitting during the national anthem/pledge to be all that nice, considering what many men and women have sacrificed to protect you, America. However, I do realize that with that sacrifice also comes the right to protest when someone feels it appropriate. But much like your elections, America, you've polarized yourself on this one too and BOY is it ugly on Facebook right now. Yikes.

It was only a few weeks ago, America, that some of your own were suffering from devastating flooding and lost everything they own. Some lost hope. Some have very little left. But your cameras have decided there's nothing to sensationalize any longer. Our compassion left along with the fleeing of your news crews.

It was only a few months ago that one of your largest cities lost dedicated police officers during a selfish and cowardly terrorist attack on those who serve to protect. Rather than remind your officers you stand with them, you moan and groan about every other unimportant thing.

It was at that same time, that people who peacefully represented Black Lives Matter met hand in hand, from different races and backgrounds, to initiate dialogue in hopes that change would come. Yet, America, you continue to demonize some who genuinely only want to peacefully make the world a better place - where their children can date whomever they wish, where they don't fear being pulled over in a traffic stop, where they are afforded the same opportunities as their peers. (Funny enough, America, while you claim all these things are true, someone is probably getting mad at me for not slandering this cause.)

Now, take all that I've just said and keep it in mind as I list headlines from around the world:

Syria ceasefire: Frustration grows over delayed aid delivery

Car bombs kill 11 in Baghdad; ISIS claims responsibility

North Korea rushes to get supplies, shelter to flood victims

I could go on, but honestly, I'd be so depressed after listing and linking all that I've seen that I'd be reduced to a puddle on the floor with nothing but this bag of Hershey kisses to comfort me.


I don't know, America. Land of the free? Most definitely. I may get sick and tired of the things I've complained about, but that's part of the freedoms we "enjoy".

But home of the brave? Blinding ourselves to the hurt around us - whether in our own country or across the world brave? Seems kind of gutless to me.

I'm not really asking you to do anything in particular here. I guess maybe it just seems fitting that perhaps you step back and ask yourself if Democrat or Republican is really the biggest problem you face. Or maybe it would best if you let the other team gloat in their victory without wishing eternal punishment and damnation on them. You could also try seeing the other side's perspective every once in a while. Not everything has to turn into some giant argument, you know.

There again, I'm just a nobody doing her best each day to raise decent kids who love other people and don't set the house on fire.

If you can't heed my suggestions, for the love, at least listen to Thumper.

All of my life, in every season, You are still God. 

I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.

Those words have resonated so clearly in my life the past few years. 

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Brian and I were in the ER at Methodist Germantown Hospital in Germantown, TN. I went for some abdominal pain, fearing the worst since I had seen a positive pregnancy test earlier that day. We were thrilled when the doctor came in and told us that everything seemed okay and that I was "definitely pregnant". The song came to mind -- I will rejoice, I will declare - God is my victory and He is here. This song became my anthem of joy. It reminded me of that night, hearing the news that I had waited a very, very long time to hear.

If you know me or have followed this blog at all, then you know how that story ends. A few weeks later, this song became a song of comfort - a reminder that even in this heartache, He was worthy of every ounce of worship I could offer, even in my sorrowed state. 

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me, Lord, through the flame

I remember months later walking through the gigantic halls and foyer of Germantown Baptist Church. It had been quiet, with the exception of the little preschoolers I was leading, and suddenly music began to play over the speakers. There were those words again: All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.

I can't tell you why this song made me connect the following dots, but I KNEW at that moment that the Lord was not only reminding me of His providence in my time of hurt but also telling me that He had redeemed our hurt and our mourning. Something in that moment, hearing that song, provided clarity. "You're pregnant." I didn't have to wait to see the "results". I knew it. I was 100% assured of it. Trivial as it may seem to you, it was like God and I had a personal meeting right there in the middle of that church where He told me that He had brought all those things I had prayed for to pass.

Some 40 odd weeks later, Jacob was born.

I tell you this story just to share my heart. For the believer, there are going to be moments of trial and pain. There will be moments of immense joy. In each of those moments, you will hear God whisper to your soul. I'm not trying to be poetic or flowery here. I say this because I know it to be true. No one can take away from me these moments I've written about. They've been reference points for some of the hardest times of my life I've endured since they occurred. They've served as a reminder of the great power and awe and majesty of the God I serve. They've solidified my assurance in His very existence. 

Just earlier, I had to run an errand. I turned on my spotify and just let it play. And this song came on. Now hold up, I'm not announcing I'm pregnant. Easy, easy. But the moment that song came on, I was overwhelmed by the reminders of how God has spoken to me and worked in my life and shown His incredible hand of redemption and power. He's so good that no blog post I write could ever properly display it. No song in existence can portray His power. Nothing can truly tell of the great love of God except for those moments that He speaks to you. That's why we harp on "relationship, not religion."

I am so overwhelmingly grateful for the reminders of how He's worked in my life - for me, for good. And I will choose to remember these moments, in every season.

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow 

Jacob

The following excerpt is something I wrote almost a year ago. I suppose I intended to post it. But then I lost my laptop. WHO LOSES A LAPTOP? I do. But I found it! And when I saw I had a folder entitled "Writings", I thought "oh boy, this'll be a load of crap." Boy was I wrong. Hear me out, I am not singing my praises as a writer. I am floored at the fact that I wrote something a year ago that I never would see again until now - something I desperately needed to read ON THIS VERY DAY. Call it what you want. I call it Divine placement. This was titled, "Jacob"

“All children have to be deceived if they are to group up without trauma.” - Kazuo Ishiguro

Does he have to be introduced to ugliness? Why is it that our babies – so full of life and joy and a million other wonderful sensations that words do no justice – must come to learn of the pernicious and be wounded by the world?

He has to grow up. He has to understand. He has to be disciplined. But with every tear and pursed lip, I wonder if I've stripped his sense of wonder.

To watch a human being I gave life to grow and change each day is both wonderful and wearisome all at the same time. To see his eyes widen with excitement at the discovery of a puddle just beyond the doorstep is magic. But in my hurried, overwhelming concern of schedules and tasks, I dispel that magic by punishing him for his love of exploration. We have places to go. We have things to do. We cannot stop and be made late over a muddy collection of rainwater.

But to him, that's no mess. It's an ocean of possibilities and fun. Stomping and screaming and squealing, he is free and happy and full of life.

Slow down, mama. One day, you'll wonder where his wonder is.

Toddler Troubles and The Art of Dealing

Toddlers are punks.

If you're one of those people who is gonna coo and aww over their physical cuteness and use it as an excuse to pardon their erratic behavior, be gone. You are not wanted here. 

there's mischief behind them there faces

Look. I have two of the most gorgeous boys to have ever walked the planet (I do. Don't argue with me. You'll lose.). But some days, I would like to put them under a laundry basket and nail it to the floor.

Take for example last Friday morning. Jacob woke up at 6 AM. I didn't have to be up until 6:30. He obviously knew this and planned his escape from bed in advance. I bet before he dozed off the night before, he made a mental note to be my own personal rooster the following morning with a fresh remix of cock-a-doodle-doo. Let there be a day where I have to be up before the sun rises and suddenly the kid doesn't make a peep before 8 AM. Not cool. Anyway, he wakes up earlier than I'd like. No big deal. I can handle it. Let's throw the kid in my bed for some snuggles and a little extra sleep, shall we?

Commence snuggling.

After about 30 seconds, I realized that my shirt was wet. After a little investigative work, I realized Eldest Child had, at some point, decided he was too good for pull-ups and had taken them off. And after said escape from training pants, he decided to save his morning tinkle for his mom...as he was laying right on top of her.

Jesus, be near.

I manage to clean up the little darling and get him re-diapered (let's be honest, pull-ups are diapers disguised as progress) and give him a nice, clean shirt because his own was also soaked with pee. I couldn't find any pants at that exact moment, though. But what did it matter? I was about to put him in the high chair and turn on the tv for some Paw Patrol morning therapy. Plus, who even likes pants? I'm doing him a favor by letting his legs breathe freely.

Commence meltdown.

Apparently, toddlers and pants go together like peanut butter and jelly. That is, when they decide it's fitting. Cause I've seen him drop his drawers on multiple occasions without a second thought but THIS MORNING, my friends, pants were a MUST.

All this before a single sip of coffee. Oy vey.

And don't think he's the only child to grace my complaint list. Oh no. May I turn your attention to the golden child, Silas. Golden child no more. He is officially a full-fledged toddler in his own right.

Forgive me for asking you to sit down while you are in the tub, dear baby boy. While I only wanted to avoid head trauma, I should have been more considerate of your feelings and desires to lick the faucet while standing in shin-deep waters on a soapy/slippery tub floor. How dare I be a party pooper? And I suppose I was wrong for forcing you to sit after you ignored my verbal singsongy request to do so. How was I to know that you would fling yourself into a tantrum and nearly drown yourself to make your point? Shame on me.

This is why I love bedtime. Toddler-free SILENCE. (And Downton Abbey and snacks in bed, but I digress.)

You know, though, why I think toddlers are the biggest of punks?

Because I see so much of myself in the very actions they make that I loathe. They are an extension of me and sometimes, I don't like having to accept that realization.

I pout and whine when I don't get my way (it usually involves food and not getting to go out for dinner). I react harshly when someone (ahem, Brian. Sorry, Brian.) says something I don't want to hear. I forget to be mindful of others. I want what I want when I want it.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I think I've written a blog post once on how parenting is absolutely a vehicle for sanctification. It is. In the moments where I want to send my children to Camp Grandparents because they're working my last nerve, God quickly reminds me that He extends grace to me in my own tantrums time and time again. The realization is both overwhelmingly humbling and frustrating. (C'mon, God. Can I just have a pity party for, like, two seconds?)

As far as toddler-hood goes, I have only just begun this game and have a whole lot more innings to play. I hope that during their inevitable charades of toddler terror, I can remember those silent whispers to offer grace and to humble myself. I hope I can be the haven of peace my boys need in a way that Christ has always been for me. Some days I know will be more difficult than swallowing glass. But maybe, if I keep my wits about me and just deal with it, I'll learn they aren't quite all that terrible.

After all. They're just so cute. :)

killing me with cute.

and another? so much cute. i'm dead.

the one I should've written months ago.

You know what I love more than anything? Entertaining. That's why I love Theatre. My preferred genre is comedy. I love any outlet I have to give others a laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and others laughter is my best source of inspiration.

Facebook has been a big outlet for entertainment for me. I've literally contemplated a status for hours and re-written it several times before posting just to make sure it had its fullest comedic effect. If someone commented that I brightened their day or made them laugh, I counted it as worth it. I am not lying: I LOVE to make others laugh. Even at my own expense.

Unfortunately, sometimes this comes at the expense of my own productivity. I spend countless hours perusing facebook to provide a sarcastic jab or funny anecdote here and there when there are far better uses of my time. Lately, I've recognized the ridiculousness of my petty addiction to a social media platform with no tangible benefits.

A little background: For a while now, I've had an overwhelming sensation that there's something big out there for me. "Big" is a relative term. I'm not saying I'm headed to Hollywood. I'm just saying that I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of life change that can have a positive rippling effect. But I've known for a while that my Facebook habits are absolutely impeding that change from coming to fruition.

I've honestly felt God calling me to leave Facebook behind. And I've had some ridiculous excuses: "But, God, I don't see my family much. How can I share pictures of the boys or know what's going on with them? Isn't my desire to bring smiles a good thing? Can't Facebook be an extension of the calling you've placed in my life?" The answer is "no". It can't.

I've avoided abandoning Facebook because I am addicted to the praises of man. And that is wrong. There are some people who don't struggle with this. They can log on and log off any time they wish and not think a bit about it. I am not that person.

Facebook is a black hole of distractions. It has kept me from seeing Jacob make a goal when playing basketball. It's distracted me from conversations my husband is having with me. It's kept Silas waiting (very impatiently) for a cup of juice. It's been the "just 5 more minutes" that turns into 30 where I should've been meditating on the Word that I claim is the most important in my life.

Facebook is my idol. As humiliating as it is to say, it is true. I've allowed it to become that. I've allowed myself to compare my life to others virtual lives. It's caused discontentment, unnecessary arguing, anger, and kept me from growing in Christ the way I really long to.

For my non-believing friends who find this move completely ridiculous, I ask you to view it as you would an alcoholic who takes steps to become sober. They want something different for their lives. They don't want to waste it on something that will bring no eternal significance. Well, this is me making the same kind of commitment.

I want to see what Jesus can do with a woman who is willing to give up something she finds joy in, if He asks her to.

So, friends. This is my farewell to you on Facebook. I am nobody special so I doubt very much that I'll missed for long. You'll go about your days as normal. And I'll go about mine...just with a bit more purpose.

I'm inviting you to check in on my life here, at my blog. I plan to start posting a lot more often -- most of it will be the same light-hearted LL comedy you're used to. Some of it will be random ramblings you might have wished you hadn't wasted 5 minutes on. Whatever. I'll be writing. Pop in sometime.

 I also have an instagram account where I share incredibly adorable photos of my boys and our life: @llbadams. You can also find me on Twitter: @llbadams

Thanks for letting me tell you terribly unfunny jokes and validating my self-worth. Time to let Jesus do the rest. Catch you around. :)

painful observation.

I don't know if this is the world I want my children to grow up in. Of course, I don't really have much of a choice about that. Every time I scroll through my twitter feed or look at a newspaper or check the evening news on tv, I'm totally and completely floored by the headlines and happenings. From extreme, violent crimes taking place multiple times a day too close to home to a world that is slowly dissolving and losing any sense of whatever moral compass it once guided itself by, I feel complete anxiety wash over me as I think about my boys facing these issues head to head as they age.

Anxiety is something I have battled a lot in the past year (thanks, postpartum journey!) and I don't have much of a hold on it. I can't quite explain it and I don't at all know how to navigate it gracefully. It's funny, though, how - just like I do with everything in life - I try to fix the problem myself.

I don't think I need to tear into some long, drawn-out post to get to what I know to be true. Anxiety is not at all from God. He is the producer of peace - the calm in the storm, now and forever. That's the image we're all struck with - us dear ol' church-goers - when any of us begins talking about peace: Jesus calming the storm.

I don't believe I have an issue with Jesus bringing peace in my life. I think I have an issue living like I absolutely believe God's word is true. Because if Christ can calm a storm with a simple, spoken word, is He not able to do the same in my life? If I truly believed He is who He says He is, would I allow myself to fall into the same temptations and trials that anxiety brings me? (Or any other sin, for that matter...)

I cannot control the future. I cannot control the world. The things my children live through, whether I am by their side to guide them along or not, are outside of my dominion. Worrying over their safety and choices is about as useful as a wet match.

But..."The God who made the world and everything in it is Lord of heaven and earth...he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything" (Acts 17:24-25). This omnipotent ruler, this perfect peace-giver tells me to cast all my cares upon Him. He tells me that I cannot add a single hour to my life by worry.

Why do I live as if I don't believe these words?

...I don't have an answer to this post today. But as I reflect on it, I realize I do have a challenge.

Birthday Week: A Guide To Celebrating

Before I get to the nitty gritty of this post, I wanted to share with you today the differences in how my husband and I celebrate the holidays. To make this easier, I created a simple chart for your reading pleasure:

HOLIDAY	HIM	HER
Christmas	Put a tree up a few days before. Or don’t. Whatever. It’s pagan anyway. Get all the wrapping paper up off the floor the minute each gift is opened. Christmas music is not necessary.  Jesus didn’t celebrate Christmas so I’m not that big on it, either.	ALL DECORATIONS TO BE PLACED JOYFULLY AND WITH JUBILEE BY OCTOBER 1. BUY EVERYONE A GIFT AND SPEND WAY TOO MUCH MONEY BUYING THEM A SECOND GIFT. CRY EVERY TIME YOU HEAR YOUR FAVORITE CAROL. EVERY. TIME. No, it’s not really the date of Jesus’ actual birthday but…YAY JESUS’ BIRTHDAY
Valentine’s Day	Does she want candy or not? Can we just order takeout and watch Netflix?	Let’s dress up in our cutest clothes and go to a restaurant even though we’re introverts! It’ll be FUNNNNNNN!!!
Fourth of July	FIREWORKS. Spend lots of money and build the equivalent of a homemade pipe bomb and go nuts!	IS THAT SPARKLER BURNING MY BABY’S HAND?! PUT IT OUT!!
Birthday	Cake is fine. Then give me an hour or two in the shop alone to build something with my bare hands or tinker on my Jeep like real men.	Let’s celebrate all week and eat my favorite foods and look at pictures and then let me pick out something pretty and eat more cake! ALL THE CAKE.

As you can see, Brian and I have incredibly different opinions on celebrations. It's no bother. I love him the same. And he tolerates my jubilee with a grain of salt. But since my birthday is a few days away, I thought it would be a good time to talk to you, dear friends, about the most important holiday of the year. My Your birthday.


If you haven't been spending every year celebrating your birthday for an entire week leading up to it, then you're doing it wrong. Plain and simple. Since I have dedicated myself to be a pioneer of honesty and real living, I feel it is my duty to share with you my Birthday Week Celebration Tips. Grab a pen, everyone. This is important stuff.

1. SOCIAL MEDIA
To get any birthday week started properly, you'll need to force find someone in your family who loves you enough to post every day of the week leading up to your birthday. They'll need to gush about how wonderful you are and how their life would never be the same without you. Pictures and cute anecdotes are a plus. Be sure to thank this person by sharing their post for your friends to see. It shows how humbled and thankful you are that someone loves you so much. Sharing those posts have nothing to do with trying to garner more presents for last minute shoppers. Not at all. Ahem.

2. MEALS
This topic is especially important if you're a wife or mother. No woman should have to cook during birthday week. No woman at all. You have to rest for the big day. Simply have your husband make all the meals during birthday week. If your husband is the type of guy who thinks Hormel Chili over a bed of spaghetti noodles is a satisfactory dinner, then try calling your mom and remind her how special you've made her life the last _??_ years in hopes that she'll take on the challenge. Then you sit back and enjoy. This also comes with the understanding that no dishes are to be washed by you, either.

3. APPEARANCE
It's a big week, people. This is the one week where you have a little pep in your step because the world is gonna celebrate YOU. Go crazy and wear lipstick every day. Maybe wash your hair three times, even. The possibilities are endless. Just look flawless and werk it.

4. WORK/CAREER
My apologies to my coworkers who stumbled upon this post. But you all need to hear the truth, too. It's your birthday week. Do just enough work to look busy but spend the bulk of your time eating candy and doodling, or whatever makes you happy. This is YOUR WEEK, people. You can't be expected to pump out 800 TPS reports when you know you've got a mountain of celebrations and gifts ahead. And rightly so! Are you a teacher? Tell the kids your birthday is coming up. Use it as leverage for good behavior. If they're acting terribly, start crying and tell them about how your toddler got up 6 times last night and how you feel disrespected and unloved in your own classroom after such a hard night. They'll be so flipped out by your show of hormones that they won't know left from right. It's great.

5. CHARITY
It's easy to get caught up in celebrating your own birthday and forget that the little people need us. So consider spending some time bringing happiness to others. If you have particularly cute children, like I do, consider allowing someone else to spend some time with them one-on-one, like a grandparent or neighbor or your mailman, whatever. Simply drop them off at their house and tell them you will happily provide them a few hours of individual time with your child so they can experience the wonder of their tantrums silliness and sweetness. Make sure you give them a good bit of time to truly enjoy them. Five or six hours should do.

So there you have it. These are but a few tips and tricks for getting the full enjoyment of your birthday week. It only happens once a year. Don't be afraid to do it big. It's YOUR TIME.

Actually, my birthday is Saturday so technically, it's MY time. But thanks anyway. :)

For Future Me, Who Is Down On Herself

I'm gonna give you a fair warning, reader friend. This post is not going to be for everyone. Particularly not for many of the male persuasion. It's a fairly normal type of post for me but I will be including a story or two that might make the men folk a little uneasy.

So just know, this is your time to consider whether you want to continue on. If words like "hot flashes", "bras", "PMS", or "feelings" make you uncomfortable, then you just need to mosey on back to the man cave from whence you crawled out of during commercial breaks for Sportscenter. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Go 'head, sir. Go. 

Now. Now that it's just us girls, and maybe a straggler or two who thinks he can read of my whimsical mishap and stare me straight in the eye, allow me to continue.

I've said it before (in some form of another) on my blog, and I'll say it again.

Motherhood makes you crazy.

Yep. Hair-pullin', crazy-eyed, frantic-laughin' crazy. Most days.

Don't get me wrong. There have been some (rare) nights that I get into bed and pat myself on the back and say, "Hey YOU. You rocked this mom thing like a boss today. You deserve these 9 oreos. You are the mother of all mothers... madre supreme. Go you."

But sometimes, the crazy sneaks up on you and you never even knew it was coming. Just POW. Right in the kisser.

Take for instance my latest mishap...It was a Wednesday. A frigid, bleak, January Wednesday. The morning began just like any other...rushing to get myself dressed while packing diaper bags and making bottles and breakfast. I suppose I thought everything was on the up and up. I should have known when I started washing my hair (in the sink) with Dawn instead of Pantene that maybe I didn't have my wits about me. But hey, simple mistake, right? And on the plus side, I knew grease would be no match for my locks that day. I digress.

I somehow made it out the door and into the classroom without any problems. Patted myself on the back for that one. I even felt super cute because I was wearing a denim jacket I've owned now for well over ten years and somehow made it relevant enough to today's fashion. Vintage. Chic. Look at me go.

Anyway, I made it to school. Went to my classroom. Doodled my name on a piece of paper over and over so passerbys would think I was working some kind of fierce. Then, I stepped out into the hall and said hello to all the children. All those angel babies. Mrs. Adams was feeling fancy and fine and by golly, she was determined to spread some January cheer.

I taught class with a pep in my step. I was pretty proud of how energetic I was. I was freezing my tail off, though. I turned my own classroom thermostat up to 75 (sorry administrators) and still felt chilly. NO BOTHER, I AM SUPER TEACHER. LET US PRESS ON AND EDUCATE ALL THE CHILDREN.

I finished my last class of the morning. Still bouncing with every step. Hoo-ah. The time came for me to pump (there's one of those scary words, boys), because I was a good mother who lovingly nurtured her babe with nature's intended form of feeding... Just kidding. It's cause I can't afford formula.

Anyway, I hooked the awkward machine up. Got all the parts attached and proceeded to ready myself when I finally realized...

I forgot to put a bra on that morning.

Coldest day of the year and I was walking around an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL like...well, THAT. Fear and laughter simultaneously overtook me. What do I do first? Text all my friends and tell them about how I'm officially losing my mind because parenting is winning over me or write genuine apology cards to the 100+ parents of students I saw that morning?

Life.

And sure, that's a comical little story. No big deal, really. Probably happens to others all the time. But for me - a nursing mama - to forget something so pivotal on the coldest morning of the year? Just not the usual mishap for me. And honestly there was a moment or two where (after the initial hilarity of the situation faded) I began to allow that one mishap to remind me of all my other mishaps: the dishes from last night's meal didn't get washed...you forgot to send Jacob's blanket to school...your kid's carseat has french fries from who knows when...you spend hours away from your kids a day...etc. etc...

The self-loathing just continued to get worse.

I wish I could say I ran across some inspirational quote or had a revelation of some sort that drew me out of my pity-party, but I didn't. Only time and today's good mood have really allowed me to see the pettiness of it. But the truth is that, more than likely, in a few days I will be right back at beating myself up.

That's why I jot things like this down. It serves as a reminder to myself that those days that seem the worst end up faint memories with no damage whatsoever to my long-term mama memory. They don't trump the giggling little boy who asks me to climb into his teeny-tiny tent to spend a moment pretending we're fireman. They don't override the feeling of my youngest grinning from ear to ear when he sees me for the first time each morning or the way he burrows his head into my chest as if to say he loves me more than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

At the end of each day, no matter what role you play in your life, it's such a good one. I promise you that. If we can look past the filters of perfection we find on social media and the nagging need to feel like we have to have it all together, I think you and I just might find that life is a lot simpler and more blissful than we allow ourselves to see it. The mistakes we make, we'll make again. And again. And again. But the giggles will keep coming, the grins will never stop, and life will go on. Simply. Blissfully.

So, Laura Leigh (or reader, if you so feel spoken to): breathe in. Forget about what you didn't do well or what the world said you should've done better. Focus on your blessings. Be gracious to yourself.



...but please...don't forget your bra.