an update, a confession, and a calling

Life finds the Adams family (try your hardest to avoid snapping a la theme song style) at an unusual, uncomfortable, and exciting crossroads right now. Allow me to go back in time a bit to bring you up to speed.

In the spring of 2008, I had the opportunity to spend ten days in Athens, Greece on a mission trip with the college ministry of FBC Clinton, MS. It was a life changing experience in more ways than one. I can still vividly remember sitting on Mars Hill, overlooking the city of Athens, while a pastor read Acts 17 to us. In this chapter, Paul is speaking to Athenians ON MARS HILL (so we literally were sitting in the place this very message had been spoken ages before we arrived). Let me share what it says:

Paul then stood up in the meeting of Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else... Acts 17:24-26

It was at this exact moment, overlooking the city of Athens and hearing these words that I knew without a doubt that God was real and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life proclaiming this very message to others around the world - whenever and wherever that meant, no matter the cost. I publicly accepted the call to missions.

Fast forward to the summer of 2012. Brian and I were discussing what our future looked like. I knew he had really been wrestling with the idea of going on the mission field but was finally beginning to feel assured of his calling. We talked about spending our lives somewhere different - giving up everything for the sake of sharing the gospel. I was all in. I was excited.

Fall 2012. We found out we were pregnant with Jacob. Suddenly, that zeal and vigor for obeying the call to go became watered down by fear and worry. With a new baby on the way, did I really want to pack up my life and move away from my family and take my child away from the safety of what we knew to be comfortable? Did I really want to take our parents' grandbaby hundreds, possibly thousands of miles away? That can't be fair to them, can it?

These doubts only multiplied after Jacob was born - for me, that is. Brian never lost his assurance and yet every time he would bring it up, I would shoot it down.

This is where the confession part comes in: For the past few months, I have been pushing and pushing and pushing for Brian to settle down in a church position because that's what I wanted. I wanted him to make the money so I could have a nice house with nice things for entertaining nice people and give my baby boy everything he could ever want. Brian would bring up the idea of missions and I would use our son as a road block. I would use the excuse of safety and family as a means to try and convince him that missions wasn't "for us". I told him something would work out and we would find a nice, happy spot to settle and all our problems would work themselves out.

They didn't. In fact, door after door after door began to close. For months I have wondered why God had allowed our lifestyle to go from comfortable to incredibly UNcomfortable so quickly. Did he not love us? Did he not care?

It wasn't until a few days ago that all of these closed doors started making sense. I found an old journal I kept when I was in college and just opened it. I wasn't wanting to reminisce and read the whole thing. I just...opened it. The entry that stared at me was the one in which I gushed about sitting on Mars Hill, hearing that message, and KNOWING that I was called to give my life to serving Him on the mission field. I read the words written by an excited and zealous young girl who trusted her safety and security to a sovereign and supreme God.

Okay, God. Okay. You win. I'm tired of fighting it.

Why had our lives suddenly taken a turn from comfort to chaos? I'll tell you why. God was trying - no, IS trying - to get my attention. So here I am, waving the white flag.

I had used every excuse imaginable to put off avoid what I knew in my heart was right.


The Bible tells us that to follow Christ we have to give up everything.
"Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head....Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead." Matthew 8:20,22

Brian challenged me yesterday to weigh every excuse I have for not surrendering to missions against scripture. He's a sneaky punk because he knew what I would find to be true: No excuse I have is good enough to forsake the call that I know I was given. Not even my child, considering I prayed the same prayer over him when he was born that Hannah prayed over Samuel: "...I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life..." (1 Sam. 1:11)

So there you have it. I confess to you that I have wrongfully deviated from God's will because I have been insanely selfish. And now, I'm confessing that I am tired of fighting it.

So what does all of this look like in our lives? Well, for us this means moving out of Memphis. We are packing up everything we have, selling/getting rid of a lot of stuff we own, and beginning the journey of seeing this calling out, I suppose.

As of next weekend, we will be living in Booneville, MS...with my parents. (Cue raised eyebrows from select few) -- We are using the next few months as a means to regroup. Brian is going to finish going to school this semester and graduate with his M.Div. (FINALLY) in May. In the meantime, I anticipate that we will start making preparations to go as soon as the Lord opens the door - whether that's immediately after Brian graduates or years down the road. We just know that Memphis is no longer the place for us. It's a distraction and will inevitably lead to an even further delay of following our call.

To the world, this move is a sign of weakness. No one really WANTS to move in with their parents - especially when they have a family of their own. But what I thought was a last resort has really proven to be the Lord leading us right where He wants us. We will be able to truly decipher what our next move is, hopefully chip away at our debt (dagnabbit, student loans!!), and prepare ourselves for the eventual and inevitable next step. I can't really tell you what that means. I can only tell you that we are sure that this is the right move for now.

I was afraid to tell people about this move, fearing that they would judge us or think we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. The truth is, we are! The truth is, while we've tried to take control, Jesus has swiftly broken us and undone all that we've done for the purpose of refocusing our lives. I see it now. And I am SO glad He's done it. So don't pity us, world. We aren't sad to be leaving our things. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."


I don't know what the next few months look like. Brian may take a job - whether church or secular - while we wait on the Lord to officially send us. We may find ourselves in a new town once more in the meantime. I just know that I'm giving up all that I wanted so that he can do "exceedingly abundantly more than all we ask or imagine according to His great power that is at work in us" (Eph. 3:20).


And the truth is, he wants to do that for all his children. He doesn't want us to settle for what we deem comfortable or good. The call to follow Christ means radical living. It means doing things that make the world scratch its head in confusion. It may mean giving up your possessions. It may mean being homeless. It may mean living with your parents for a while (FREE DINNER, THOUGH!). Whatever it means, don't be afraid. The Sovereign God of the universe has a purpose and a plan for you. And you can be assured that it is better than anything you could have ever imagined. All you have to give up is everything. :)

So there you have it. That's what He's doing in our lives.
He's breaking it. It's SO uncomfortable. And yet, it's so exciting.


"Do we really believe He is worth abandoning everything for? Do you and I really believe that Jesus is so good, so satisfying, and so rewarding that we will leave all we have and all we own and all we are in order to find our fullness in Him? Do you and I believe Him enough to obey Him and to follow Him wherever He leads, even when the crowds in our culture - and maybe in our churches - turn the other way?"  David Platt, Radical (p.18-19)

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art