Havin' a baby, what a wonderful way to say...

Whatever you want if you're an outsider, apparently.

What is it about pregnancy that makes the whole outside world assume they have the freedom to impose their heavily opinionated thoughts on you? It's an epidemic! It's everywhere! ...It's annoying.

Mind you, I don't mind the less invasive pieces of advice. By all means, I love when veteran moms tell me what kind of bottles are best or offer tips on breastfeeding and the like. I don't know the first thing about parenting just yet, so I'm all ears for stuff like that. But when others start weeding their way into our personal business and make assumptions on our ABILITY to parent? Oh that's when it's gonna get ugly. Real ugly.

Details? You're not going to get many here. But I will say this: Brian and I are in a time of transition like NO OTHER. I have never known emotions like this. To be simultaneously more excited than I can bear on top of so stressed that I just want to retreat into the comfort zone known as "Mom and Dad's house" permanently is an overwhelming moment in life.

I will not hide the fact that Brian is between jobs. Tis the life of ministry. We left our last church on a very strong calling and have been patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) been waiting on the Lord to reveal more details. But we all know, He doesn't exactly work on our time. Needless to say, we've been in a giant waiting game for a while and it's getting a tad bit tiring. I can say, gratefully, that He is slowly unveiling His plan for us and providing us with what looks to be an incredible opportunity to not only get plugged into ministry but plugged in with PEOPLE as well. If you've read any previous posts, you know how much the opportunity to make new friends is a welcomed change for me!

No one knows more than we do how scary this time has been. If it was just the two of us, it wouldn't really bother me. But look, I - more than ANYONE - am very well aware of the life growing inside me. I mean, we're at the point where s/he lets me know s/he is there (calling all universities - we've got a great punter for your football team in about 19 years). There is so much pressure to be able to provide every little thing we could ever want for this child. Our deepest desire is to provide well for it. And I am confident that we are and will continue to do so after this little babe makes its official appearance. The Lord gives and we trust He will continue to bless.

What is most disheartening, I suppose, are the conversations we've been forced to be a part of by people who we expected to understand the notion of faith. FAITH. You know, the evidence of things not seen? All that good stuff? Yeah. Sometimes, it seems as though people assume that since we don't exactly know every detail of our future that perhaps God no longer favors us. Seriously.

Does anyone remember Joseph? Job? Paul? Any of these names ring a bell?
These men all shared something in common. While they were incredibly committed to God and His work, they suffered: and God allowed them to. Their stories are outstanding examples of unwavering faith and God's true hand of provision in their lives as they endured trials and storms. Each one came out with stronger faith than they went in with.

By no means do I equate myself with Paul. I am far from it. But I don't understand why people can read these stories in the Word yet fail to see that trials can still be a blessing in modern day. Do I want to be tortured with the unknown and constantly wonder what's next? No way. But what I do know is that God is using this time to prepare me (and Brian) for something so much bigger.

 Romans 5:3-5 says:
"And not only this, but we exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Why do we all freak out when God decides to stretch us? I'm pretty sure there's a similar verse in James that states that we should rejoice in our trials and to let it be an opportunity for joy - for, when our faith is tested, our endurance has a chance to grow and then we will be strong in character and ready for anything.

So, while I may be frustrated when others try to solve our problems in attempts to make us appear more stable and fit to be parents, I've resolved to remember these men of the Bible and the promises God has given us of His provision, even in times of trouble.

Let us not forget that trials are an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. They're a time of worship! They're a time to remember that God is the ultimate Healer, Deliverer, and Provider and in HIS TIME, He will show Himself and His will.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."     1 Corinthians 1:3-5

Times like these make me grateful for the memories of washing dishes with my mom when I was young and singing this song together:

Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely and long for heaven and home, when Jesus is my portion? A constant friend is He! His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

Really??

I'm three weeks away from finding out the gender of our baby. Oh. My. Goodness.

God is better than good.

Earlier this year, I had no idea that this could even be a reality. But here we are, finalizing name choices, doing our homework on the best of all things baby, and even panicking some moments.

To be honest, there have been a lot of days - especially recently - where we have to stop and ask ourselves if we are ready emotionally, physically, financially... This little bit was a complete and total surprise and it's easy to let that overwhelm us. But I have to remember that it was no surprise to God. As cheesy as it sounds to some, it's all a part of His perfect plan for us - even if we don't know how everything is going to work out. Ministry and seminary living doesn't exactly mean we are in the top tax brackets here, but God is faithful and has continued to provide and I trust that He will continue to do so - even in the moments where we are at OUR wits end.

And I realize still that I have a long way to go. This could all end in a moment, but I can say that I've never been more grateful and more humbled as I have been during this time. I will always cherish this blessing and these moments. I'll trust Him every step.

So that's that. Just grateful tonight for big blessings even in the midst of stressful days.

December 10. We'll see you then, little bit.