Hope

Social media is kind of a weird phenomenon. It's become this place where you share everything: new job opportunities, pictures of your dinner, engagements, wedding photos, birth announcements, divorce announcements, vehement political stances, tragic news. We are now more connected than ever. We share day-to-day news with acquaintances that perhaps we haven't seen in years. There's something innate in us these days to share everything.

So...

Today my uncle died. Unexpectedly...young...leaving behind children and grandchildren, three brothers, and a number of people who have years of fond memories with him.

I got the call while surrounded by a group of students that we had taken to do a ropes course - just a fun Saturday to spend together and let my own two babies spend time with the "big kids". I was torn between the need to keep it together in front of others and needing to grieve appropriately.

Time has a way of distancing yourself from those you were once close to. And although I may not have shared a close relationship with my Uncle Buddy in recent years, my childhood was littered with his presence and his antics. Between these memories and knowing the emotions his own children, my cousins, were experiencing, there was a natural, heavy sorrow that overcame me.

As sadness welled within my soul, Silas and Jacob were playing a few yards away, laughing as they threw dirt and grass at each other and watching the students they admire "fly" through the air. Their innocence and naivety to the pain of the world was strikingly comforting. At one point, just when I thought I might need a moment to compose myself once more, Silas ran over to me and gave me one of his famous random bear hugs (hence the nickname "Chunky Bear"), kissed me right on the lips, and ran off to continue in his own happy mischief. Laughter through tears. ("My favorite emotion")

Inwardly, I still struggled to process the thought of someone being gone - just like that, out of nowhere, without any warning. But I also watched 14 teenagers laugh and find pride in themselves as they overcame their fears to complete the challenge set out before them. Some of them completed the course without much concern. Others had to literally fight back tears and crippling fear to reach the end. But they DID. A major metaphor for life was happening in front of all of our eyes and the timing could not have been any more surreal.

I share all this because it is insanely mind-blowing how God finds measures to comfort our souls when we need it most. Today, although my heart still aches for the loss that my family - particularly my father and cousins - has endured, I have been reminded of His love everywhere I turn: a group of teenagers (that I couldn't love more than if they were my own kids) willing to spend their weekend with us, a brilliantly beautiful fall day, snotty kisses from the most beautiful boys in the world, and the simple presence of my own husband.

In the midst of your darkness, there are reminders of His goodness and grace. The light they give off may not seem like enough to completely overtake your pain and your grief, but they are promises that this darkness will not last.

Life is full of uncertainty - almost like that of dangling 20 feet from the ground with crippling fear that the rope you're holding on to just might not be enough. We can either be paralyzed by our fears or push on to the end, victorious in the journey.

I believe in a greater hope that will overtake all the pain and sorrow I endure one day and make known the glory and brilliance of God the Father. One day, all my struggles and all my pain will make sense and it will have all been worth it. God has overcome. That hope is "a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever..." (Hebrews 6:19-20)

Brace yourself for pain. We are all sure to experience it in this life. But anchor yourself with Hope. Find strength in it and the blessings around you.

Today, I will choose to settle into His comfort and rejoice in His steadfast love. I hope, no matter the storm you face or head into, you will as well.