When I grow up.

The other day, I was texting my friend Laura. Somewhere in the course of the conversation, we got to talking about teaching and I told her that I wasn't even sure anymore if I was supposed to be a teacher. That's kind of unfortunate seeing as that I just earned my $20,000 masters degree in education (side note: all monetary donations for the purposes of paying off loans/eating more Taco Bell are accepted). But you know, whatever. Laura asked me what I wanted to do with my life if it wasn't teaching.

"I want to have lunch with new people everyday. And blog."

Now, I realize that this is not really a REAL career or job, per se. (If it is a real job, holler at your girl.)

To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life - in the way the world sees "doing something with your life", that is.

After college, I thought I was going to a be PR/Marketing specialist. And for a small time, I was. Aaaaand, I hated it. So, that was a bust. Then, I got the genius idea of becoming an English/Theatre teacher. I mean, I loved students so why not impart my knowledge Michelle Pfeiffer/Dangerous Minds style on some kiddos in a high school classroom? So for a while, I did. I even went to an expensive private university to get my masters to boost my skills in the classroom. Aaaaand, here I sit. Not in a classroom. Instead, I'm in my pjs, watching my little boy fuss at his stuffed giraffe for not continuously singing the alphabet song. It's really a fantastic job and one that I desired from the moment I found out I was pregnant. But I still can't help but wonder what my life will amount to? What can I DO to make an impact in this life?

My best friend Lindsay and I have lately talked a lot about purpose and direction. She said it best through a text message the other day: "I want my life to count, ya know?" - (This is coming from one who dropped everything to serve Jesus in Ghana -- c'mon, girl. You know you're making it count :) 

I know that this place I'm in is because God has called me to be here. It makes no financial sense for me to stay home. But God made it so very evident that this is right where He wants me.

I know what I'm really battling is worldly desires. My flesh wants more things - new furniture, a new car, a new house, a billion new purses... I see my friends making big purchases and going on extravagant vacations to places I've never heard of. I covet. I'm human.

Getting down to the nitty gritty, though, I realize that this life I'm living right now is EXACTLY what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. It's a humble one. And The Lord knows I could use a large dose of humility. Diaper duty, cleaning the kitchen, laundry, cooking, sweeping, mopping... loving on my baby, being the best wife I can be... THAT'S what God has called me to: for this season in life, at least.

The greatest part in all of this self-discovery is truly feeling the presence of God in the day-to-day stuff. Even in the most mundane tasks, I feel like God is truly pleased with what I'm doing. At the same time, I feel him knitting together something exciting for the very near future.

I guess all this is to say that I am coming to realize that God can use anyone to make any kind of impact. Whether it's through a young woman serving sacrificially in Africa, a teacher standing before a room full of chaotic students, or even a mama changing her kid's fifth dirty diaper in three hours. :)

Wherever you are, wherever He has placed you - be there. 100%. When we allow ourselves to relax in the roles he has placed us in, we see Him moving. We see purpose in the confusion.

When I grow up, I want my life to matter. And it's because of Christ that I realize it already does.