Last week, Brian was invited to speak to a youth group at a local church near home. It was a pretty great experience. The church was awesome, the people were warm and welcoming, and the youth were really energetic. We even got to meet couples around/near OUR AGE. I had no idea these people existed! Seriously! It was a refreshing experience - mostly because I was not in charge of a single thing.
I realize how selfish and lazy that sounds. But can I be honest with you?
After two+ years as an instrumentalist/worship leader/media gal/recreation figure-outer without having a sunday school or small group to lean on, ministry got tiring for me.
Is that terrible? I know it sounds terrible.
Don't get me wrong. I loved every facet of everything on my plate. I did. But it just got to where it was a little too much all at once. Sundays and Wednesdays got to be more about checking off a to-do list and I admit, I lost sight of what was really important: communion with Christ. It's easy for anyone to do, really. And it happened to me.
Aside from overloading myself, I was overcome by loneliness of the worst kind. Yes, I have a fantastic husband who I share every moment with. But sometimes, we need peers. Women need women. While I did have one or two ladies in my life that I could share with, it wasn't as often as I craved or needed. They came from different worlds, too (children). I was still lacking in that true fellowship with the body. Fellowship, for me, had becoming shaking hands and smiling and exchanging pleasantries between services and that was about it. There were a lot of nights that I would cry, just wishing my friends were closer - most are 3+ hours away, and my best friend is in AFRICA for crying out loud. At the very least, I wished I could make a friend close in age and close to home that I could truly share things with as a sister in Christ. I've always been an extremely relational gal, and to not have that type of friendship nearby was truly crippling me.
To make a long story short, God saw fit to end our time at the church we were serving at. In a lot of ways - it was very much needed - on both sides. Anyone tied to ministry knows that leaving is tough. This was certainly the case for us as well. There were youth there that we simply hated to leave. But we knew with absolute certainty that God had something else in store for us.
And that is where we are now. Just waiting until He reveals the next step. It's been a weird time, but a time of rest like no other. I've been able to truly sit down and just listen instead of look for ways to keep myself busy. I don't have to-do lists at the moment and I can just focus on my relationship with Christ.
The Lord is really teaching me what it means to BE STILL. I see that things won't fall apart if I don't have my hand in them. I knew this all along, really. I know I'm a professional amateur and there's nothing really that I possess that makes me great. I just simply always had to be busy with something. I guess it's that controlling side. Got that from you, Mom. Thanks ;)
I'm trusting that the season He is entering us into is one of continued rest accompanied by fellowship with couples we can come to count on and trust - not only as members of the body but as true friends.
Every step, every season is an adventure - a lesson.
