Jacob

The following excerpt is something I wrote almost a year ago. I suppose I intended to post it. But then I lost my laptop. WHO LOSES A LAPTOP? I do. But I found it! And when I saw I had a folder entitled "Writings", I thought "oh boy, this'll be a load of crap." Boy was I wrong. Hear me out, I am not singing my praises as a writer. I am floored at the fact that I wrote something a year ago that I never would see again until now - something I desperately needed to read ON THIS VERY DAY. Call it what you want. I call it Divine placement. This was titled, "Jacob"

“All children have to be deceived if they are to group up without trauma.” - Kazuo Ishiguro

Does he have to be introduced to ugliness? Why is it that our babies – so full of life and joy and a million other wonderful sensations that words do no justice – must come to learn of the pernicious and be wounded by the world?

He has to grow up. He has to understand. He has to be disciplined. But with every tear and pursed lip, I wonder if I've stripped his sense of wonder.

To watch a human being I gave life to grow and change each day is both wonderful and wearisome all at the same time. To see his eyes widen with excitement at the discovery of a puddle just beyond the doorstep is magic. But in my hurried, overwhelming concern of schedules and tasks, I dispel that magic by punishing him for his love of exploration. We have places to go. We have things to do. We cannot stop and be made late over a muddy collection of rainwater.

But to him, that's no mess. It's an ocean of possibilities and fun. Stomping and screaming and squealing, he is free and happy and full of life.

Slow down, mama. One day, you'll wonder where his wonder is.