Sometimes, I'd come across these thoughts I had that I didn't even know were laying beneath the surface. It gave me opportunities to reflect, to grow, and to mature myself.
These, of course, were the days before social media and the iPhone.
I was riding home in the passenger seat last night as Brian was driving. I wanted so badly to strike up a conversation about something deep and intellectually stimulating - something about literature, or life. If it got existential, fine. Whatever. I just craved that mentally stimulating conversation I once had the capability of beginning. And then, without even thinking about what I was doing - I checked my phone.
Those who know me know how much I love my iPhone. It's my little pocket pal. I check my email, update Twitter, browse my friends' postings on Pinterest, and of course -- the almighty Facebook. I can't go an hour without checking it twice. And honestly, I was never that way with Facebook until I got that dang iPhone.
I've just come to the realization over the last few weeks that I've allowed technology to completely and totally devastate part of the mental being I once was. I can't think on anything unless it's a status update or 140 character quip. Sure, those things are entertaining. But I've allowed them to be so much that now I rarely ever take time to do the things I once LOVED to do often: re-reading old novels, writing, journaling, playing the piano, popping in a CD and imagining the score in front of me.
I used to be much deeper. When I was younger, I was deeper. Now, I've aged and allowed myself to dumb down thanks to a piece of plastic and glass that I can stalk acquaintances wall posts on. How utterly sad.
The worst part is that I've allowed this to hinder the growth of my relationship with my own husband. I've wondered for days if he remembers or even KNEW the person I feel I once was. I was smart! I was a careful thinker! I was interesting!
Sometimes I feel him getting bored with me. And that's not his fault. It's my own. I've sacrificed a part of who I was to be a part of the age of technology. This is what it's doing to me. This is what technology is doing to us all. And while, yes, I do believe it has its place, I know that it's doing this to many more as well.
This is the most reflective piece I've written in ages. It's a call to arms, I suppose. Beginning now, I will not allow mindless things to override my time. I won't let Facebook get in the way of revealing to those I love what lies beneath my skin. I refuse to watch myself retreat into the shadow of the person I once was and loved so much. I can't promise I'll give any of these up permanently. But I will promise myself that I will take a closer look at how I spend my time and what I allow to dictate the person I'm continuing to become.
I promise to show you the me that I know you've been craving.
