Not for a moment.

Sometimes it's really easy to get so caught up in day-to-day chaos that you forget how far the Lord has brought you. It's so easy to be so enthralled with the new gifts and things to come that you fail to truly realize that God has carried you out of something you never thought you'd escape.

2012 was the hardest year for Brian and me yet. In April, we lost a baby that we so greatly anticipated and rejoiced over. The weeks that followed after losing our precious child were filled with doctors visits and check-ups that served only as a sore reminder of what would never be - or what we thought would never be. The physical and health issues that arose from that situation within my body seemed to toy at my heart, assuring me I would never have the opportunity to carry a child.

Those were some long months. I never really realized the darkness that I was walking in. I never lost faith in God or His plans for us, but I longed for my child every day more than I was willing to admit. I begged and pleaded God to "fix it." Every day was a battle to convince myself that I was okay. The problem truly was that I had begun to meditate on my hurt rather than the Healer. I was so stubborn. And sometimes I still am.

Not only did we lose our first, but we endured some true hardships in ministry. Brick walls. Painful ones. It became so daunting and exhausting. The worst part was watching Brian struggle so. The hardest part was taking that step of faith when God released us of our burden. It was a relief to have time to breathe and seek Him again, but we took a hit financially. Immediately, we let the flesh overtake our worries: what now? How will we ____? Where do we go?  We knew God had led the way to where we were, but there were so many unanswered questions ahead of us. Most of the time, instead of just breathing and giving it all up in faith to Him, we tried to answer them ourselves. Every time we tried that route, we were just knocked down. Oh, ye of little faith.

There is hope, should oceans rise and mountains fall. HE NEVER FAILS.

Praise God for His promises and His provision.

I can't say that I know 2013 will be a golden year for us. I know this year holds its hardships and heartaches just like any other. But I can tell you that He has already  begun a mighty work in our lives - one that reminds me that He is FOR us and not against us. One that reminds me that all things work together for GOOD for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

In 2013, we will, by the grace of God, meet our son. We will hold him in our arms. Even if only for a moment, I know the Lord has promised me this: I will fulfill my desire to be a mother. I don't know if that gift will be for the rest of my life or only for a few days or moments. Anything can happen. But Jacob is a blessing. No matter the outcome, this baby is a reminder that GOD IS FAITHFUL. He does not leave us in the darkness. God has overcome all our heartache and all our pain. I am humbled at the thought of it.

This year, God will show us that next step. He will show us why He's put us through this time of testing. He has already shown us so much through it. He's already begun answering prayers and giving us direction. We've grown stronger as a couple and closer to Christ because of His unending love and provision. We look forward to what's right on the horizon with excitement, knowing that He and ONLY He could have done such a great work. And we will both vow to live out whatever calling He has for us in such a way that others will be able to look at our lives and see JESUS splashed across every facet of it. That's our deepest desire.

I say all this to tell you that I am truly in awe of how far God has brought us in these and so many more areas. He has been holding us all along, even when we failed to recognize it. How wonderful it is to be called children of God.

He was faithful yesterday. He has been faithful today. He will continue to be faithful tomorrow.

You were singing in the dark
whispering Your promise
even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
carried for a thousand miles to show
not for a moment did You forsake me