holy granola.

Today is already just inching by. I'm so ready to get home to see my family and most importantly:

Delta! I love this little creature as if she were my very own child. I pretty much love any animal that way. Except cows. I don't like cows.

If anyone has any power to speed the clock up to 4:15 Central time, I'd appreciate you doing so. I can't wait to be home for this holiday!

just a quick post to say...

....how hilarious it is that today i am the total opposite of my last post.

One day i do, the next day i don't.

Yep. I'm definitely a woman. :p

Tick tock tick tock tick tock.

If people would stop having really cute babies, maybe my biological clock would stop ticking.

Logically, I feel as though I am way too young and still a little too carefree to be concerned with having children at this point in our lives. But every day there seems to be some internal struggle over the idea of having a child sooner than later. (I won't give it a specific time frame.)

Brian and I both know that as soon as he completes his M.Div that we will be working towards a mission placement with the IMB. In fact, he's beginning the application process next fall under the supervision of one of his professors. It's a long and tedious process -- it will take at least (at LEAST) two years before we ever even find out where we MIGHT be heading. So, we're looking at a possible move in about 5 years.

That being said, I keep having the issue of children come up in my mind. While I don't necessarily know if I'm ready or even want one at the present time, I can't help but think about how much better it would be for us to have them...well, at least one, before we are to move off to some other country for anywhere between 3-12 years. I keep thinking of my Mom and Dad. While they support us and our heart for international missions and while this isn't about them, I can't help but think how sad it would be for us to be a 9-12 hour flight away and then have a child whom they might not really ever have much of a chance spending time with. I want my kids to know my parents and vice versa.

That's just one issue. Again, my parents shouldn't be a deciding factor, and they won't be. Just talking here. Here's my other issue. On the side of why I SHOULDN'T be thinking about kids right now, the biggest argument is MONEY.

Money. Everyone needs it. Nobody ever has enough. Now, I've mentioned before that we are very, very blessed to have all our needs supplied. But, let's be honest. Babies = expensive. Very, very expensive. Diapers? Hellooooo! They'll break your bank like nobody's business. I keep telling myself that we just aren't financially ready to handle such a responsibility.

But then it hits me. We weren't financially ready or able to move. But God provided. Big time. He blew my mind in that whole situation. Still has. Still does. Everyday. By me saying that we can't have kids right now because we don't have a lot of money, isn't that me doubting His provision? Think about it. Don't even get me started on the issue of BC. (Hey, it's MY blog. I'm just thinking out loud here.) I struggle with that a lot. Am I trying to take control of something that I should just give to God and trust His timing for? Aren't we called to trust God in all things? Is this me taking a step too far, trying to keep my hands clutched on MY schedule and MY time?

Then there's these stupid dreams. Like Saturday night's for example. (And I feel really dumb for even laying this out for you people to read, but I've simply got to "say" it somewhere.) All I remember about it is seeing this young child...only the back of her...but I knew she was mine. I loved her. A lot. It was really nothing but a bunch of sequences of her clinging to Brian and him holding on to her. I told Brian about it, and I think he thought I was nuts. I may be. I probably am. But I cannot get the vision of her out of my head. I woke up that morning longing to hold her...someone who doesn't even exist! I just wanted to scoop her up and never let her go. How is it possible to be so in love with someone who has yet to make their debut in this world?

....Do you see how nuts this is making me! One minute, I'm perfectly content with being able to go and do and be spontaneous without the hassle of caring for anyone else but myself and Brian. Then the next, my mind is set on motherhood. I know. I'm young. I'm very young by comparison to many moms.

My heart is torn with so many emotions, though. It's weird. And it's driving me insane!

I think maybe I need a few days in a padded cell and under some serious psychiatric evaluation! Ha! Oh well. Call me crazy, but I know I'm not the only one in this world who fights these mixed emotions. To those of you who aren't married or are newly married and think I'm nuts - you may be right. But just wait. One day, you just might understand me.

Alright. I'll end it here. Promise. Remember, I'm not seriously considering anything. In fact, this has really helped just to sit here and write it all out. Isn't that what blogging is for? Reflection?

Thanks for reading. :)

Just great.

It's Monday and I feel fairly certain that I'm sick with what may very well be flu-like symptoms. I hope more than anything that I'm wrong. My insurance at work has yet to kick in, so I'm not really feeling a pay-out-of-my-pocket visit to the doctor.

Also, this morning as I was getting ready for work and realizing how miserable I felt, it finally dawned on me that the age of irresponsibility is over. I wanted so badly to climb back in bed and spend the day whining in front of the tv with a glass of sprite and a breakfast burrito - just like the college days....

Although I hate being sick, being sick in college was something I kind of came to enjoy. I stayed in my cozy little dorm all day and my roommate was exceptional at taking care of me. The tv never went off and I dozed in and out of consciousness all day long - waking up only long enough to eat or take meds. Sure, I felt miserable. But honestly, being sick is sometimes a great excuse to be lazy and just give in. It didn't matter what class I had when I felt ill in college - I would take days off without a care in the world and all the episodes of Golden Girls I could muster....

Now here I am in 2010. Out of college, married, and actually having a career working 40 hours a week. I realized this morning as I fought back whiny "I don't feel good" tears that I can't just play dead anymore. I'm responsible to be at work. No work = no pay. No more transitioning from bed naps to couch naps to bed naps all day again. No breakfast burritos and Golden Girls. Just the ill-satisfying "comfort" of a space heater and work assignments to fight off the miserable state I'm in.

I tell our youth all the time to "STAY IN COLLEGE AS LONG AS YOU CAN." Sometimes it's more of a joke, but as the days wear on I realize how good I had it in college.

So, yes children, go to college. Change you major 57 times. If you graduate, get another bachelors degree -- not a master's, because Masters students are expected to gain experience through some sort of job. Mooch off of your parents, if they'll have you. Go to Taco Bell at 2 am and stuff your face and skip your 8:00 class the next morning. If you get the sniffles, skip class again. Take it easy and enjoy the ride because before you know it -- you're sitting in an office, running low-grade fevers, staring at your computer screen asking how the heck you got there.

Holy Granola.

Look, discipline has never really been my thing. Just yesterday, I thought to myself after seeing some friends vlogs and blogs, "I really wanna do that too!" -- And then I remember I DO HAVE A BLOG.

Forgive my inconsistent posting. It's all for good reasons though. Life is just so grand right now that we've been rather busy. On top of that, working 40 hours a week makes it hard to fit smaller things into my schedule.

To bring you up to speed, Brian is officially the youth minister at a church in Brighton - about 25 miles north of Memphis. So, we're in the process of trying to move there and find a house. Yeah. That's a pretty big step for two very naive and clueless kids. But we love the area, adore the kids, and are just ready to plant our lives in a community that we can invest in and minister to.

I have a couple of things I'd like to blog about, but seeing as that I *am* on work time right now, I'm going to put that off. However, I'm putting it off with a promise to actually return to write it!

In the meantime, some thing for you to chew on:

"Ultimately, Jesus was calling them to abandon themselves. They were leaving certainty for uncertainty, safety for danger, self-preservation for self-denunciation. In a world that prizes promoting oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves. And history tells us the result. Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to his invitation." - excerpt from Chapter 1 of Radical by David Platt

Brian and I were discussing this the other night on our way home. Do we ever stop to realize or think about the first Christians? The ones who were so radically abandoned to Christ that they stopped at nothing to tell the world about what He had done for each and every one of them? Even if it cost them their LIVES!

Friends, that's why America has fallen to the pitiful spiritual state she is in today. We are all about a comfortable Christianity: the kind where we go sit in our cushioned pew for an hour a week, robotically sing a few lyrics without giving a thought to their meaning, and listen to some man say something about the Bible. Then we leave and assume we've "done our Holy deed" for the week. We spend the rest of time working to make money to spend on worthless "treasures" that have no eternal significance. Instead of asking the lady in front of us at the store if she knows Christ, we judge her by what she wears/says. We don't associate with the lowly because we are from another class. We watch movies that are in direct opposition to everything scripture teaches us (this is a biggie for me), and then we partake in our fleshly desires without concern.

What a twisted image of following Christ. I don't wonder why life (as a whole) is the way it is. God certainly cannot want to look down and see "His people" living the way we are, without giving one thought to accountability among the brethren. It has to pain his heart to see that we are so concerned with accumulating big houses, fancy cars, nice clothes, etc and only give a passing thought to the millions of people who die each day from STARVATION. We don't want to live a radical Christian life because, well, perhaps we don't really believe what we say we do.

If you haven't picked up Radical, I challenge you to do so. But beware, David Platt will step on your toes and make you very uncomfortable. But everything he presents is biblical. He does a great job in opening the reader's eyes to the truth that "The American Dream" isn't a biblical idea at all. It certainly broke me of my selfish ways and allowed me to take a hard look at the way I lived and the goals I was going after.

Okay, see, now I've gone on too long. :) Back to work.

2010, thus far...

I can't believe it's already September. This year has absolutely flown by. Of course, back in the spring I couldn't seem to graduate fast enough. Now I'm looking back and can't seem to understand where in the heck time has gone. I thought it might be fun to give a little look back on the year -- just highlights and such. :)

January -- Ella, our precious niece was born. She's been cute from day one, but take a look at how adorable she is these days:

February - We had quite possibly one of the best snow days I've seen in Mississippi in my entire life!

May - Graduated from MC with a Bachelor's in Communication/Theatre and a minor in Literature. Had no idea where to go from there, just like any new graduate. :) And yeah, I have pictures -- but they were terrible. So no posting for you!

July - Went with a group of crazy chirren to Grand Isle, LA to minister to families who lost income because of the oil rig mess. I got to see a baby gator close up. Gross

July - Packed up and moved from our first (albeit small and a little bleh) apartment to Cordova for Brian to begin his masters. Our old apartment was in shambles for days. Sure we had some fun there during our first year but I DON'T MISS IT! :)

August - First anniversary. Um, no photos. :)

Also, started my job!

I know that's not much of an update. If you're my facebook friend, then you probably knew most of this stuff. I just had to have my own little reminiscent moment.

Things to look forward to:

October -- seeing family, including Ella coming all the way from Texas

WICKED!!!

November -- Thanksgiving, which equals 2 days off which equals 2 days of NOT having to be up at 5:30 am.

Until then, I'll just keep on trucking. My body is still trying to be a college student and fight this "early to bed, early to rise" stuff. But I sure don't have a problem with spending money...on food.

:)

love and stuff to all.

*hangs head*

Okay. I won't lie. I have been avoiding writing this post for the longest time because of the sheer ignorance of my last one.

To be honest, I'm ashamed that I ever doubted God's provision. I didn't doubt He would provide. I just wanted it on MY time. I've been humbled a thousand and one times since then over all He's done.

Quick Update (to keep this ball rolling):

Brian and I now live in Cordova. The move was easy. We were also surprised when Brian's grandfather offered to pay for our moving expenses and when his parents gave us an unexpected monetary gift as well. Things were off to a pretty good start. I had a week with no job or plans to get our (really nice) apartment put together. It was also the week of our first anniversary. To be able to goof off without a care in the world or a schedule was so sweet. I guess God really does know what He's doing. Then, I interviewed for a job on our first Friday there and again on Monday and started on Wednesday as a Marketing specialist for a credit union. It's a great job, with great pay, even greater co-workers, and a sweet, sweet office. I get it, God. You were in control. Higher ways and thoughts, huh? :)

These days I work while Brian goes to class and is in the process of taking on a position with a church nearby with some of the most fun kids I've met. Honestly, working isn't my big priority in life. I never imagined myself to be much of a career woman, but for now it's definitely God's will. We will definitely be here for the next three years as Brian finishes his masters degree. In the meantime, we are praying hard about living in Europe after that and serve in the mission field somewhere. (Germany, England, Spain, Greece...any takers?)

Life is just as it should be -- even though there is no puppy (there certainly isn't going to be a baby anytime soon!). :)

Don't get me wrong. Everyday certainly has its tasks and sometimes troubles. But each day is more of a reminder of God's grace. I've never heard Him speak more clearly in my life than I have in these past few weeks. There are days when I want to get down on the fact that I've not accomplished any of those big dreams I had for myself and gone in the direction that I was headed a few months/years ago...but then I'm reminded that those dreams were MINE, not His. I'm not entertaining crowds of people every night, but I've never been happier being simply a small somebody living life for the Creator and doing my part to make His name great, not mine. Never thought I would be, either. But hey, you surprise yourself the older you get.

And anyway, there's always facebook for entertaining. ;)

Stay cool and stuff, y'all.