At the end of every year, I try to write/blog about the events and happenings that took place in my life. I always look forward to reflecting on the good, bad, and everything in between. Each year is an opportunity to see how I've grown and changed throughout the year's journey. This time is no different, for this past year was quite a ride.
Overall, I think the resounding theme for this year was faith. That, or trust. Maybe both.
This was the year that I quit the first job I had after undergrad to embark on my journey into education. It was a fantastic decision, but one that came with a lot of heartache as well. My first days in the classroom were completely chaotic, stressful, annoying, overwhelming ... and so much fun. I met so many fantastic students that never failed to make my day -- even when they were being a tad bit mischievous. As a person, they made me feel young and exciting and appreciated. As an educator, I learned that I had a very long way to go if I ever planned to be any good at this teaching thing. It's not as easy as the books make it seem. There are a lot of things I did wrong and probably a lot of times that I bluffed my way through a lesson and I'm sure students knew it. It wasn't easy coming into a (what should have been called interim) position in the middle of the year with no curriculum beforehand (or after for that matter). As a first year teacher, I was told to scrounge the internet for material to teach. Seriously -- that's your tax dollars hard at work, y'all. But I digress. -- SO I know I wasn't the greatest teacher in that school. I am well aware of it. But boy did I have a lot of fun fumbling my way through that learning process.
Unfortunately, my time at BHS was short-lived. Although my principal at the time refused to grow a pair and be honest about the funds for arts, I suspected that I would not be back the next semester to teach Theatre as she had led me to believe in my interview. I learned that I was just a replacement until the end of the school year. I was extremely bitter when this realization hit me. I had moved my entire life to some small, lame town to invest in a school that couldn't hire me back. This was a major blow - emotionally and financially.
There were so many days that Brian and I would nearly pass out from the stress that hung over our heads as we tried to decide what our next move was. I spent most days in tears, clueless as to what I would possibly do for a job. But even on my worst days, I had an assurance in the back of my mind. It was almost as if I could picture God quietly shaking His head in disappointment at my lack of faith. I knew He had something up His sleeve, even though I fought Him most of the time. As always, I wanted things my way on my time. Over the course of the summer though, He brought a passage and song to my life that have (since then) shaped my entire outlook on His faithfulness:
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31
Also, it was during this time that every where I turned, Take Heart by Hillsong United was playing. And I've always thought that when things like this are happening, there's a reason and I should be paying attention. In this case, the lyrics were absolutely the message I needed to be hearing at this time:
There is a light
It burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night
and casts no shadow
There is hope
Should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails
So take heart
let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
These two small, simple messages may have seemed silly to some. But I knew that God had overcome any trial I had to face already and that trusting Him wasn't the best option, it was my ONLY option. There came a moment this summer, when I had the opportunity to speak to a small crowd about facing adversity that I finally let go of my worries. I finally decided to invest in the power of Christ.
Thank God that He doesn't work according to my will and desires. Instead, He showed Himself to us in a very real and personal way as He met every single need - and provided me with a fantastic job (teaching!) that I fall more in love with every day. God is big and mighty. Those are such simple adjectives for such an indescribable God, but it's very true nonetheless.
I know 2012 is going to be a year full of many emotions. I look forward to the exciting, sweet, memorable moments to share with friends and family. I'm bracing myself for the turmoil and heartache that I know are inevitable. I'm preparing to trust Him in every moment, no matter the circumstance, remembering all that He has done and all that He promises He will do.
God our refuge, God our strength, God is with us.... He has overcome.
I don't know where You're taking me, but I'm ready for the ride.
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